Overcoming the two stumbling Blocks on the Road to
Confidence. Confidence stumbling block #1: Fear of
Rejection
As we covered in Chapter 2, you are afraid of rejection because
of what you make rejection mean to you. While the successful seducer knows that every "no" is only another step on the way to the
inevitable "yes;' a man who fears rejection fears it because he makes
it mean that there is something wrong with him. Here are some solutions:
The Thirty-Day Program for Getting Over Fear of Rejection.
You must get yourself so used to rejection from women that it no
longer has any negative meaning to you, A simple way to do this is
to start small, with our easy-to-follow, thirty-day rejection-stomping
confidence-building program.
If you are scared to talk to women and scared of rejection from
women, this simple program will get you talking to them daily, and
laughing in the face of rejection. It's straightforward, painless, and
easy to do. It's based on a simple two-letter word that, when you use
it with women, will build your confidence, start you talking, and be
the first step in getting women into your life.
Are you ready for the word?
The word is "hi!" To build your confidence with women and to
overcome your fear of rejection, for the next thirty days, say "hi" to
women in public at least six times a day. That's all there is to it. You
are walking down the street, you see an attractive woman, you say
"hi" to her, and walk on. You see the next attractive woman, and you
say "hi" to her, too. And so on.
Don't be deceived by the simplicity of this program. If you are
willing to actually do it, and to actually say "hi" to a number of
women out in public every day, your confidence will rise, your fear
of rejection will diminish, and your success with women will
improve. Here's why:
First, your confidence will improve because you actually will be
talking to women. Saying "hi" is wonderful because the interaction ends quickly. Like some other techniques we'll show you for building confidence, the "hi" interaction doesn't put your ego on the line
and doesn't give her much chance to reject you. What's the worst
thing she'll do, glare at you as you walk by? Who cares? It's not like
you've risked your whole ego by asking her out or trying to kiss her.
You'll get into the habit of seeing women who attract you, and talking to them. And that's good.
Second, women's responses to you will become less important
to you. You'll find that you are being the kind of man you want to
be, the kind of man who says hello to whatever kind of woman
appeals to him, no matter what her response might be. You'll
become less scared of rejection as you notice that some women
smile and say "hi" back, that some women are in their own world
and don't even seem to notice you spoke, and that some women
glare at you darkly and reach for their police whistle. You'll start to
see that it doesn't matter; all that matters is that you are making life
work for you by starting to approach the women who attract you.
Third, you actually will get into more conversations with
women if you set a precedent of talking to them right away. Have
you ever been in a situation in which you would have spoken to a
woman, but the fact that you've initially ignored her makes it hard
to start? This happened to our friend Bob just the other day. "I was
in a line waiting to buy tickets to a movie. There was a gorgeous girl
in line in front of me, but when I first saw her, I went back into my
old fear mode, and didn't look at her or say 'hi.' After about five
minutes of waiting, I really wanted to start talking to her, but it
seemed a lot more awkward because I hadn't said 'hi' at first." After
you've practice saying "hi" for a few weeks, it'll be second nature for
you to see that woman in line, look her in the face, smile, and say
"hi." You'll be relaxed and not concerned with her response. And it
will then be natural for the two of you to talk more, and for you to
be able to use the tools from the rest of this book to seduce her.
Other ways to overcome the fear of rejection
Have a "piece on the side." As you begin to develop your
harem of available sex kittens, you are at a disadvantage. As usual,
success breeds success. The more sex you are getting, the more confident about sex you will become and the more new women you will
attract. But at the beginning, you don't have the confidence of lots
of past success, and that slows down your ability to get that first
woman on a date and into bed.
Though it is not available to every man, having a "piece on the
side" can generate the erotic confidence that allows you to get even
more women. A "piece on the side" is a woman who you have occasional sex with—say, once a month—though you might not really
want her very much. She is a woman you know you can have, but
who isn't attractive enough for you to try to start a relationship with.
An occasional sex partner like this can build your sexual self-esteem
and enable you to take the risks that get you into bed with the
women you really want.
So who could be a potential "piece on the side?" They may be
ex-girlfriends, women who are not extremely attractive, much older
women, close female friends, women who understand you don't
want a relationship, or married women. When you have a "piece on
the side," you know you aren't a total loser. If you look hard enough
at your life you will usually find at least one woman who would sleep
with you. Try her out and see what happens.
We've had students say "Yeah, the date didn't go so well, so
afterwards I went to the house of my 'piece on the side.'" They were
able to get sex when they wanted it. As a result, they were empowered to pursue the sex they really wanted.
Get your validation from your life, not from women. Too
many men rely on women for their sense of validation, self-respect,
and self-esteem. They live as if women's opinions of them are what
matters. If they have a good interaction with an attractive woman,
they feel good about themselves. When an interaction goes bad, they
feel badly about themselves. This need to be validated by women in
order to feel good about themselves robs these men of their confidence with women.
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